My earlier post today was a little bit on the heavy side… I thought I might lighten it up some…
Editor’s note: I have been told that this isn’t exactly the way things happened… well, it is the way I remember it… so there!!
I must have been 5 or 6 or something about like that. I could just tell when I woke up it wasn’t going to be a good day. Maybe it was just a feeling I had or maybe the fact that part of the bed was wet where the rain during the night had come through my open window and gotten it soaking or maybe it was the bubble gum matted in my hair… But I could just tell it wasn’t good.
My mom called me a couple of times to get up but you know how that goes… she didn’t sound mad enough and I just weren’t in the mood to get up so I didn’t. In a bit she came in to get me up, pretty mad at this point and saw the bed and my hair (I failed to mention she had specifically told me to get rid of the gum before I went to bed the night before) and she just went ballistic. So I wake up, getting a spanking before I even get out of the bed.
So I go into the kitchen to get some breakfast and mom had cooked me some eggs and bacon. I wasn’t in the mood for eggs so I got a box of cereal out and got ready to pour it in a bowl when my mom came in and saw what I was doing. She told me to put it back and eat the eggs. Of course I had to argue… and of course I got another spanking. I told my mom I wouldn’t eat anything then. She told me I could spend the rest of the day sitting at the table then, but I wasn’t going anywhere until those eggs were gone. She had to leave the room to go do something and I quickly got up and threw the eggs over the stove back next to the wall…. So the eggs were now gone, and so was I.
Randy, my best friend in the entire universe and Mark, the bully from down the street were outside waiting on me. We always played around and got in all kinds of trouble… I mean we had all kinds of adventures together. Shortly after I got outside and we were deciding what to do my mom sticks her head out the door and tells me I can go play either at Randy’s or Mark’s or just stay in our yard but I was not to go play in the ditch by the sawmill at the end of the road. I don’t know about you but I had some kinda hearing defect when I was a kid. I could not pick up the audible sounds of the word “not”… kinda weird, huh? So what I heard was that I was to go play in the ditch by the sawmill. So off the three amigos went… right to the ditch by the sawmill. We were having a grand old time playing in that ditch when all of a sudden I looked up at the bank and there stood my mom. She was giving me “the look”… you know the one I’m talking about… heck; I bet some of you have one yourself. So I got out of the ditch and headed for the house with my mom saying absolutely nothing. When I got home… you guessed it… spanking.
Well it just so happens that the pest control man comes by about this time to do our annual treatment. So he sprays all around the house and out in the laundry room which is actually out in the carport but not in the house. I just happen to have a shoe box out there where I was keeping several interesting bugs that I had collected over the course of the past week. As you can imagine, the spray got to them and they died immediately. I was in my room still recovering from my latest run in with my mom’s paddle when it occurred to me about my bugs. I ran out into the carport and checked the box and found my bugs dead. I was so upset. The pest control guy had just finished things up and was leaving, backing out of the driveway. I was so mad at him I ran out of the carport, picked up a rock and heaved it at him as hard as I could.
Have you ever had those instances in your life where things just seem to move in slow motion? I didn’t think that rock would ever stop flying through the air. Of course it hit right in the middle of his windshield causing it to crack. As luck would have it, my mom was just walking out of the house to witness this whole thing. She didn’t see any humor in any of it so… you guessed it again… spanking.
So now I am restricted to playing only in my yard… never to be able to terrorize the neighborhood again for the rest of the day. But I was so much fun to play with that Randy and Mark just had to come over and play with me there. I am not sure exactly how all this next event transpired but I do remember that my mom and Mark’s mom were standing in the yard talking and Randy and Mark were getting into an argument… which happened quite often. There were some tools and construction stuff laying around that we had been playing with and Mark proceeded to pick up a hammer and hit Randy on the foot really hard. Well as I said, Randy was my best friend in the entire universe, so I picked up a brick and proceeded to nail Mark right beside the head with it. Of course, my mom saw this and yep… you know what happened next…. spanking.
So now Mark and Randy are gone for the rest of the day and I have to play alone in my yard. So what can a 5 or 6 year old boy do by himself that would be fun? I know… I can flood a large area of the back yard that doesn’t have grass growing in it and make a great mud slide! Won’t that be fun?!?! You bet! It was great…. Until my mom came outside and saw what she referred to as a great big mess… although I didn’t see it. Well…. You got it…. Spanking.
So now I am restricted to inside the house by myself doing absolutely nothing. Let me ask you a question here if I may… How often in the course of your life time have you ever pulled out the stove to clean behind it? I’ll bet never… but remember, this is the worst day of my life so, my mom decided it was time to clean behind the stove… so when she pulled it out… of course she found the eggs from my breakfast… many hours and many spankings ago… she went nuts! So she was going to give me another spanking. As she hit me the first time, something just came over me and before I knew what I was doing, I had snatched the paddle out of her hand and smacked her on the leg with it. She stood there in total shock. I just threw the paddle to the floor and announced that I was going to my room to wait for my father to come home.
Needless to say, when he got home, I got the Mother of all spankings… and not undeserved either I might add. I have never been so happy to see the sun go down and to get to go to bed in my still damp bed in my life…
Some days just can’t end quickly enough, can they?
And then there was that day with my tricycle and the freshly tarred street…… geez!