They come at the worst time possible. Always showing up in the middle of the night. Continuously knocking on the door. You hear them and you just want to roll over and go back to sleep. You know what it is they are wanting. And you know it can just wait. It doesn’t have to happen right now. But just like you always do… you open the door.
Once the door is opened… even just a little bit, they come washing in over you like a flood. Tumbling you around like you’re in a washing machine. All the thoughts and anxieties that you had so neatly locked away are now loose in you head. The relationships…. the finances… the houses to be sold…. the jobs to hang on to, even if it is pure drudgery a lot of the time… it all starts screaming at once. Sleep is now done for the night.
The gym doesn’t open for 2 hours so you pace the floor… and lay back down…. and pace the floor some more. And eventually after what feels like a day and a half, 15 minutes have gone by. And when it is finally time to go to the gym, you are finally resting again… and know that you can go right back to sleep now. And who is going to care, right?
So you miss a day… no big deal… it’s just one. It’s not like missing is a habit. Besides you haven’t missed a day since you started going back again in the last 2 months. But no… you force yourself up… grab the gym bag and your water bottle and head on out.
You are hating this the whole way there… you get in the gym and get ready to start… and you’re still not feeling it… disgusted with yourself for having come when you could have been sleeping. It’s Monday so you start the Monday routine and just know you are going to stop… you are going to quit… your heart just isn’t into it.. and sudden… there it is… the song of hope that again will carry you forward…
You hear the Beatles “Here Comes the Sun”… and you believe it… “Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting.. Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been clear.. Here comes the sun.. Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right”
And you push on… and the door in your head shuts once more… and the noises die back down… Yes… It’s all right… 4 miles in 44:10… yes, it is all right indeed… bring on the day!