Heading Home pt. 2 (In my room….)

I just stood in the doorway staring into the room.  It looks to be about 11 x 11 square.  The walls are very plain and to my knowledge there has never been any kinds of pictures mounted on any of them.  The only thing that was ever attached to the walls that I can remember was a small personalized bulletin board where some pictures and few personal awards were displayed.  But they were all gone now.  So was all of the furniture.  Even the familiar carpet was gone.  The only familiar item still present was the curtains.  I have no idea how long those curtains had been there but I can’t ever remember them not being there…

This little room was my room.  My personal things began to occupy this space back in August 1969.  But today… well, today there is nothing there.  The sun light fights its way through the closed curtains giving off a light that I have seen in the room thousands of times.  There isn’t anything left  so I just sat down on the floor right in the doorway and stared into the emptiness.   The closet doors were closed so it made the room feel even smaller.

For years this place was my refuge… the place where I could get away from the world.  When things got difficult I would retreat here, spending time alone.. with my thoughts… with my music from my 8-track tapes or my radio or just in total silence with nothing at all on my mind.

I spent many hours there… not only sleeping… but being nervous about school… about the work I hadn’t done or that I knew I hadn’t done my best on or was I really ready for the test coming up the next day.  I spent hours being angry at my parents for not understanding me… they just had no idea what it was like to be me.  I spent hours unable to sleep because I was so excited about what the next day would bring.. time with friends… trips to the beach… vacation trips to the mountains.  I spent many hours there crying… because I didn’t get my way… or I had a fight with my parents or that special someone didn’t feel the way I felt…

It felt strange staring at that space… it meant so much at times and now it was just an 11 x 11 bedroom being sold with the rest of the spaces I called home.  So I stood up, looked around it one last time… wiped away the tears and turned back up the hall for the last time…


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