At this time of year, I tend to look back over the past with such fond memories of Christmases past… of family and friends… great times, wonderful food and lots of presents.
But as I sit here on this cold December morning I remember Christmases that don’t fall into that category. There was the year when my grandfather had just past away… the emptiness of the loss left a hole that has never been filled in. Then there is the year that my dad lost his job because the store he had worked for had filed bankruptcy…. not only leaving him unemployed but causing he and my mom to lose all of the money they had saved for college for my sister and me. There wasn’t much joy around the house that year although he and mom did the best they could to make it all it could be… and there was the year that the love of my life (well, she was at the time anyway) and I finally got around to realizing that maybe we really weren’t the loves of each others lives. It took us a long time to get there but it went out in a whimper, not some big explosion… I think that story is out here somewhere in on my ramblings. Now that I think of it, there were a couple of other relationships that fell apart at this time of the year too.
Maybe it’s just the reflectiveness of the end of the year that causes it to be a time to wrap up the unfinished pieces of our lives. Or maybe the pressure to create that Norman Rockwell perfect Christmas is just too much for us. I bet if I could actually go back and look at the Christmases of my past, they probably aren’t as great as I remember them. I’m sure there were mornings I arose, ran to where the Christmas tree was shining from where we left the lights on all night so Santa could see what he was doing… only to find that the gift that I was just dying to have wasn’t there, or I got drug off to spend the day with the extended family when all I wanted to do was just stay home with my toys or Heaven forbid Christmas fall on a Sunday and I end up having to go to church! How devastating that would be, huh?
I guess sometimes, the season just gets lost in our lives instead of the other way around… I just really need to make it a point to make sure that it happens the way it should… losing my life in the season for a bit may be exactly what I need. A Merry Christmas to you all, my friends… please let the season wash over your life for a while.